Me and my little sister, Katie, don't usually get on to well, but lately it's been getting a bit too much. Too try and put a stop to our bickering, I suggested to her that I take her on a date to the new goosebumps film, Twilights, with Rob Patterson from Harry Potter 5. I thought this would be a good idea because when we went to see high school musical three together we got along great, and also to show her that life's not all singing and dancing and basketball at the debs. There's fucking vampires out there that want to get her. Although I didn't really think that, she was getting too cocky for a ten year old and I thought the idea of gorgeous vampires might set her straight. I knew vampires weren't real though.....or were they?

We got on a bus into Dun laoighraire at around 5:30, just as the sun was beginning to set which meant there was like less sunlight out and we sat downstairs near the driver's seat. The driver was an old man, who looked like he had been driving buses his whole life and only had a few days left till retirement. I told him that sentence except in the form of a remark and he said "Yeah, that's right, I'm retiring in three days! Me and the wife and seven kids are going to move out to the west and open a Fun Factory and it'll be loads of fun" and he showed me a picture of his beautiful young wife and seven hopefull children. I liked this guy. Me and Katie argued politics for a while untill we heard lots and lots of gun shots. All of a sudden most of the windows smashed and a big scary vampire terrorist jumped in through the window beside the bus' door. The big scary vampire picked up a child and ate him, then lunged at katie with a knife. A feral brotherly rage overtook me and I tore his arm off and punched him so hard he went forward in time. I looked to the back of the bus to see two vampires eating more children while their mothers screamed. I tore a handrail of the wall and threw it straight at one of the vampire's chest and it even hit him in the heart and all so he burst into flames. The second vampire came towards me so I shot an ice beam at him freezing him still, and I took his glock. Everyone started clapping so I figured it was all over and went to take my seat, when suddenly I heard the fragile bus driver scream. I saw in the front mirror a vampire devouring his old neck, getting blood everywhere. I shot the vampire and pushed him out the window unvealing the bus driver's dead body. I pulled off the seat, took his bus driver jacket and hat, and took the steering wheel to stop the bus swerving out of control. I thought "Save the people first, go find a place to cry later". I steered the bus immeadiatly right to avoid driving off a cliff, went around a round a bout, then made my way up past the Graduate in, thinking once I made it past Sallynoggin, the population would be so dense that the authorites would surely catch wind and remedy the situation. I could see in the mirros that about forty vampires were flying behind me, and another fifty had made a massive roadblock up about seventy metres ahead made up of trucks and sandbags and all. I started firing out the window at the roadblock hoping to hit a gas tank or something and make it all explode violently when the road exploded in front of me and out the rubble jumped like nine corpsers!!!! (For those that don't know, a corpser is the thing in the picture above. They're usually native to Sera but for whatever reason they were under Sallynoggin/Ballybrack. ) Luckily for the bus, the corpsers seemed to completely miss us and just land on the road muching on vampires. Although years ago I took an oath to not brake for anything, so the bus went way underground for about a mile. The bus crashed and everyone died except me and Katie who was grand.

We got out of the bus and dusted off our dusty clothes. All around us was a massive cave with tunnels branching out in different directions. Katie was all "wtf are we going to do now!?" and I said "Shhhhh, I hear something! It's coming from down that tunnel". We slowly crept down the really wide corridor like murky tunnel to investigate the source of the noise hoping to find some fun or a least a way out of the underworld. The sound seemed to be people talking and Ripley's believe it or not, it was a group of people talking. "Hey you" we shouted, and ran over. "Can you help us get out of here?". "Nothing's free in waterworld" the tallest one said. I pulled out my gun and shot him then got all up in the other two guys' faces cursing to like show them I was tough, and then they agreed to help us out. "Up ahead there are two paths you can take, Cloud vally path, and mean motherfucker road. Most people take the Cloud Vally, but no one ever tries to go down mean motherfucker road. However, both paths lead to the surface near enough to the cinema." While I thought about what path to take, that Robert Frost poem came to mind. The one where he's like walking through the woods and he goes down the path less taken. Up untill thne I felt my life was void of poetic inspiration and stuff so I shot the two tunnel strangers and me and Katie made our way down mean motherfucker road. After a while we found a building of flats with a sign outside reading "The Blair witch Projects". I took out my gun and took Katie inside. She accidently slammed the door behind her and then a load of ghosts came out of their flats and started firing ghost bullets at us. We made for the back entrance, and I threw a grenade back at the ghosts. As we went for the back door the building exploded like a million times because there must have been more grenades in there or something, and we flew out the back door miles down the path making our journey way shorter. In front of us we saw a life and we quickly scuffled in, and went straight up to Bloomfields shopping centre. We bought first aid and stuff in boots then went to see twighlight.
It was pretty good, and we even saw Rob Patterson afterwards and Katie asked him for an autograph. He said jokingly and really handsomely "Are you not afraid of vampires?" to which I replied "Hoho, buddy, you have no idea!"