The branches that don't bend in the wind, are the ones that break.

I was told once, that if you kill a mama bird, you've done a bad thing, but if you at least try to raise the eggs like the bird would, then you've made amends. About two years ago, with this lesson in mind I went on a myth busters crusade and killed a middle aged woman, kidnapped her two children and tried to raise them in my room for about a month. when I got home from school I'd just try to teach them what I did that day but I wouldn't keep it up that long because I had shit to do.
After I got caught, the judge gave me two choices because at the time I was known for being really sound. He said that I could go to jail for a billion billion years or something, or I could become a priest and save people's lives. "Fuck yeah, let's be a priest" I thought and might have said. I had a great laugh doing masses and stuff anyway, and confessions were sometimes boring, but sometimes we got to have some real meaningful chats and I'm still friends with some of the people I confessed with. I left the priesthood when I learned the shocking secret that there is no god, because when the secret got to everyone else I didn't want to look like a lying dick-dick. My fondest memory was when a woman came up to me after a fucking wild mass, showing me her newborn baba. "My baby was born on the 25Th of November in Lourdes! Do you think that makes him the next messiah!??" she asked me. "Definitely" I replied with a wink. That baby turned out to be Barrack Obama so I'm looking OK for now heh heheh hehhe hehh. hehhe.




Being in the priesthood though, definitely made me a magical person. I don't mean that like in a wanky way, I mean it literally. It gave me magic powers. It's hard to explain, like it's not like I can turn things into things on demand, but like if I'm in the right place at the right time I could definitely save the day. Take last week for example. Me and Alice were in town walking in circles around the spire eating dib dabs in town, when all of a sudden a big fuck off Indian Elephant comes darting down the road, tackles a Dublin bus into a building killing loads of everyone, then comes up to us with it's big dickhead and knocks over the spire which blocked the road so the army couldn't get at it. Alice was so scared she fell in a hedge. The elephant punched a hole in a petrol truck and sucked all the petrol up it's thing, and then borrowed a match and ate it. We could all tell what was about to happen next. It started blowing fire like more or less everywhere except me thank goodness. I figured it was time to work some magic, so I closed my eyes and thought of my most happy memory just like when Harry Potter is conjuring his ghost animal. I thought of when me and my team, The Seaview Seabiscuits, won the Shankill under twelves football cup against the Fassoroe Fannies who weren't even from Shankill. I shot out my hand and all of a sudden a giant blast of magic exploded out of my palm and turned the Elephant into wood. I thought this might be kind of hard to believe so I had this picture taken afterwards



It's something to do with the bad light, angle, temperature and pressure I think but what looks like hedges in the back round was actually fire and stuff. The Elephant was bigger as well when he was bezerking. I'm not going to try remember what song I'm playing air guitar to there because I haven't a clue. Something victorious maybe.

I started college finally on Monday. It's been hard to enjoy so far because I have a big five hour gap on Mondays, and all I had to eat today was a Snickers so I was real hungry. All the classes I'm doing seem way easier than last year already. I'm still going to have to work my buttons off though, but I think it's going to be less stressful that last year. The easiest class I'm doing is Introductory Spanish. It's like a baby class, it's so good. We did the Alphabet yesterday and how to say your name and stuff. I think I've got it down. Results are on the 2Nd I've heard. My heart goes mental when I think about. I'm trying to savour my parent's love now, because they're definitely going to want to end me next week.

Alice was going to the Dentist today and I insisted on going along because for some reason I like imagined it would be painfully exciting and non stop laughs. It wasn't, surprisingly, because I just slept out in the waiting room on my own. I don't know where it went wrong.

I was listening to Dizzee Rascal's maths and English when I started writing this post and it's still on so I must have written this post faster than usual.

Someday. Please god.

Today your love, tomorrow the world...

I think that for most of the years where I actually thought I liked music, the Ramones have been my very favourite band. I think I was twelve when I got their anthology, which is basically like a greatest hit, only a very friendly greatest hits because it includes a lot of the songs from their last ten albums which aren't worth remembering. I heard a couple of guys in my school going on about them, and these guys liked NOFX so I figured I should check them out. Up untill this point I was ready to give up all hope of learning how to play my new guitar and join a cool rock band. I'm really shit at sticking with things, because I'm generally not good at most things but figure the next thing I do I'll be fucking christmas at doing. Of course I'd never live up to my expectations right away so I'd quit. I quit Hurley, Gaelic, Speech and Drama, dancing, Astrology, Astronomy, Tae Kwon Do, some obscure martial art I can't remember, and a load of other stuff that involved my parents wasting money on. I couldn't play any of the songs of the bands I liked on guitar that quickly so I was ready to give up, but when I heard the Ramones and how cool they were and how easy there songs were to play, I was delighted. I started a band with two guys from my school and we most of our practices we played Ramones covers. I think we played Rockaway Beach at some gigs too. I saw a video of them playing Loudmouth in their friends loft a few weeks ago, and then for like two hours I just watched old videos of their gigs, then played guitar for ages and wrote a fun new song. I think bands that can make you do that are the best kind of bands.

This music video is hilarious, because it's like the so shit/awesome, much in the same way the film is. Rock'n'Roll high school

Also worth a look, but not shit at all. Rockaway beach in like 77

Theres' going to be a really cool gig on tomorrow night, in Fibbers which I've never been to. The headlining band is The Carrier from Boston, but I'm most excited for the bands supporting. I'm real looking forward to seeing Dead Wrong because they've only played one gig, and it was good stuff.

Sharkghosts and their treasure

In first year of college, I did a class in Animal evolution and like diversity and stuff and one of the assignments we had to go to the zoo. I ended up doing the whole assignment on wikipedia, as all there was to it was like writing down and drawing some highlighted interesting parts of the animals, of which there are many. This meant instead of working in the zoo I could hang out with two guys from my class who had the same idea. This was the first time I'd been at the zoo as like, not a kid, and it really made me see how shit, as an idea, zoo's are. These guys basically live in a garden, and are put on show. People can definitely learn a lot from zoos, but the fact that I did everything in my assignment, which is everything I'd learn at the zoo anyway, from the internet kind of makes that redundant. Seeing animals in real life is cool, but living in a garden with people looking at you hanging out isn't.
That said, I went to the zoo on Sunday and had the most fucking exciting time ever. The day trip was Alice's idea, because on Sunday we were mots for a whoppin three months and thought we'd go look at inferiorly evolved specimen to reflect on our time together. I was a bit apprehensive at first, because of all the stuff outlined in the first paragraph, but I love Alice, and this was going to going to be a great big laugh.....only thing was, once we got there it started lashing violently. We were like well wrapped so we didn't die or anything but it was a bit of a downer. An almost immeadiate upper though, was when we got to the ticket box, and saw Ronan who was a boy I used to work with. After some quick chinwag, he gave us TWO FREE TICKETS!!!!! I thought it was really nice of him, and it's true what they say, that the best things in life come for free.
Somehow, the rain didn't seem to affect me at all. When I saw the little farm I started jumping up and down with excitement because I missed it last time and I want to look at the rabbits, which were totally fat. After looking at some birds and reptiles (There was a tarantula in the reptile house. Now I'm no zoologist, but Tarantulas are spiders and as much a reptile as I'm a Suit and tie. Bad form.) and elephants ,who actually came really close when I waved, we got some din dins. I definitely needed the rest, but Alice seemed ready to go home, mainly because it was wet out. I kind of understand not liking the rain and all, because I'm not a goth, but when there's like giraffes and Zebras and Oryxs less than a minutes walk away, going home seems kind of boring. I think after we ate we had the best fun anyway.
I saw a lioness lying in a box with glass in it and ran up for a closer look without realising she was in a fucking box, and she like darted up and I stopped like dead in my tracks because she was so scary. I walked up a bit closer and she just lay down looking fed up and I felt like an absolute dickhead for showing her that she wasn't scary. The big man gorilla was infact, very scary. Nearly all the animals were inside because of the rain, so they were like very close to the glass, and the gorilla basically had his face up to the glass which was terrifying. A baby orangutang eating lettuce was pretty cute. We went back to mine after and just hung out for a bit. It was the best three month anniversary I've ever had, and I'm sure the next three month anniversary will be three times the fuckin laugh.

I was having a bit of trouble sleeping that night which never happens, so I passed time by watching Stephen Fry interviews. I don't really know much about him, but I saw him on room 101 once before and I really like his hole thing he had going on. Here's the interview, it's like fifty minutes long though.
Part 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMi1n1GekF0
Part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XgiRqnkcZ08&feature=related
Part 3: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJgxUzJh-SA&feature=related
Part 4: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygc0p0HUngg&feature=related
Part 5: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L--oBIBXrGQ&feature=related
The interviewer makes me feel real uncomfortable though.
I watched a interview with him by that kind of camp guy from British sitcoms in the 60s and 70s or whenever the carry on series was going. It was so weird though, because Stephen is basically the exact same. Like he's 28 and hasn't changed a bit, all except for making a more eye contact and stuff. I think that's kind of stange, but maybe it happens in all people with a character like his. I really liked the long interview anyway, especially the first part.

I can't get interested in programmes for very long, as in when I start watching something like Ugly Betty or Skins or something I'd think it was great and was definitely going to watch every second ever broadcasted ever, but lose interest sometime through whatever series although up untill now I've watched all the skins episodes. It's kind of thick though. Anyway, lately, I've been mad for Miami ink. The main guy, Ami, seems like the coolest lad on telly.

College in a week. Apart from getting my results from last year, it's going to be really nice. I'm going to try keep a consitant mood, and gain inspiration from things like interviews with smart people and music videos like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OmOwuwOSA-c

I'm ready for bed now, but I enjoyed this entry, and I hope you did as well.

Monkey Business

I saw a small bit of that scary Australian film Wolf Creek tonight. I saw the full thing in Religion class in fifth year and we all thought it was Bossa, but watching it tonight reminded me of my own spooky tense capturing.

It was a year ago or something around the time of mother's day, and I was going to the shops to buy some stuff to cook dinner for my mom. On the way, I passed by a pharmacy and even though I was listening to music really loud, I heard loads of trouble coming from inside the pharmacy. I think I was listening to the music at like nearly full volume and I could hear all the trouble still like, so I figured it was big big trouble. I still had like 3 hours or something until dinner time so I figure I'd go inside and fuck things up. To my surprise all the hassle was being caused by a chimpanzee (Pan troglodytes) who was violently jumping around the counters and the shelves and throwing things like low sugar lollies and painkillers at customers who were all trying to catch the chimp who was wearing trousers and a t-shirt for whatever reason. I had seen on Bear Grylls that if you the best way to calm down an excitable monkey is to act like a total dickhead as if you're trying to impress them or something. One of the customers was a tired old lady who was just like trying to get away from the monkey but still wanted to buy some medicine so she didn't leave the shop. I figured only a dickhead would choke her with tampons then give her the finger, so I did, and also made fun of some nerd with glasses and stupid hair, then high fived the chimpanzee. This guy was really weird. I'd seen a few monkeys before, like in books and all, but this one was weird. I didn't bother asking him why because I thought I'd probably find out later on, but I asked him his name and he said it was Thomas and I told him mine and we did that thing off Mtv where you like hit each other's knuckles to show that you're mates.
When we got to tesco, the security guard told me I couldn't bring Thomas into the shop, so I put him on my back arguing that if he wasn't touching the ground it was none of his business then I tried hard to intimidate him by smashing a bottle and wielding it like a knife. When the security guard was out of sight I took Thomas off my back, and he picked up a packet of M&Ms a tried to throw one in my mouth. "How fun" I thought and opened my mouth, but then all of sudden he jumped on me and spit a pill in my mouth. "Wtf bro!?" I said "You're lucky this is mother's day or I'd get like really angry and shit" and I let it go. When we were at like the back of the shop, I heard a massive scream, then a gun going crazy. All of a sudden Thomas ran around the corner and hid. I crept down the aisle to have a look and there was four burglars with real mean faces. They shot someone as well so maybe they meant business. I remembered that episode of Macgyver where he had a cold and he was buying stuff in the supermarket and then loads of bandits came in shooting things. He made a pepper spray bomb out of a hot water bottle and some other things, and killed all the bad guys anyway. I was able to get a hot water bottle but I didn't really know what to put in it to make it work as a bomb, so I guessed and put in pepper, Adidas Cold ice fusion deodorant, a Nuts magazine, a lit match and some clothes pegs. I threw in in a trolley, kicked it in the direction of the bad guys, and hid behind a shelf and covered my ears. That's when I remembered that in the Macgyver, he had to stab the bottle to make the stuff spray all over the guy, so I didn't really do anything. Two of the baddies ran up the aisle towards me so I had to think quick. I took out my earphones and put them in my ears, then started playing air guitar. One of them tapped me on the shoulder, and was like "Hey, we're robbers!" and the other was like "What's he listening to?". I darted around and punched one of the guys in the face really fast and he might have died, I'm not sure, then I took the broken bottle out my pocket and cut the other guy up, and I did this all real quiet and laser fast so the other guys so I ran on top of one of the shelves and jumped at the third guy, kicking his head off so that it hit the other guy making him explode. All the customers started clapping because I saved the day and I was really happy.
Then all of sudden my body started to morph! I looked in the mirror and I was turning into a chimpanzee, then behind me I saw Thomas, and he was turning into me! "You sold me out!" I said and he just gave me a real evil smile, took some shopping things, and legged it. "He must be going to cook my mam dinner" I thought to myself. I ran out of the tesco to follow him, only I was arrested outside by the police because they thought I was Thomas and he messed with the pharmacy which is illegal. They cuffed me and put me in the back, and one of them went into the shops to get whatever while the Bheangarda stayed in the driver seat. Off in distance, I saw Thomas getting on a bus with all the stuff he could make dinner for mam with. "I can't let him do this" I thought, "I can't let him take my cool mother's day idea and get all the love for it". I swung my monkey arms under my legs and used the cuffs to choke the Bheangardai. I jumped into the driver's seat and took off at a like 300 miles an hour because gardai cars can do that. Down the road from my house, there was a big lorry blocking the road so I launched a rocket out of the headlights taking out the back wheels, then I ramped up the truck and landed in the house across the road from me. I got out and saw the bus was parked in my driveway. I was too late. I ran around the side entrance and saw Thomas cooking the dinner with my mother. I needed to think fast. I started shouting "WOOooooOOOOooOOooOO" to sound like a big spooky ghost, knowing that my mam wouldn't be terrified and Thomas would have to come outside to calm her down, because Monkey's don't even believe in ghosts because they're stupid. Once he got outside, I was hidden under a bucket. When he got a little closer I jumped up and killed the fuck out him in the face. Then, I turned back into a manboy because the curse was lifted. I walked into the kitchen, finished dinner, then me and mam had the best mother's day ever.

I turned into the monkey because of the pill he spat in my mouth, and I suppose someone did that to him as well but I killed the last monkey so that fixed everything. I also stuffed Thomas with socks and gave him to my mother as a pressie and she delighted.

Now that the buzz of Christmas has Shrivelled up and died and New years excitement has sobered up and gone home, my life on holidays is shite. Well not completely shite, it's just I still kind of resent not doing some proper lifey activities just because I found some really cool xbox games to play all day long. If I heard of someone else playing cool xbox games all day long I'd think they were cool, I just have a small issue with me doing it.
I started playing Fallout 3 on Stephen's day and I only kind of finished two days ago. I'm still going to play it though, because there's some cool things I want to do, and some places I still want to explore. I still think that's it's so cool that a game can actually make you want to explore, but it's also really annoying because I want to stop playing it. I finished playing Call of Duty 5 today, and it seemed a bit short. At first I thought it might be because I was playing on normal but like, I'm pretty shit at games and never really play on hard so it in that context it shouldn't have seemed short really. Still though, after playing fallout it was a breath of fresh air. Fallout's cool and all but the intensity is a little too spread out, and in Call of Duty it's like kind of condensed. By intensity, I mainly mean the killing people. I really want to get xbox live again, because the Nazi Zombie mode seems like it would be heaps of fun with 3 other lads. I played a bit with my little brother but he doesn't get Call of Duty so it wasn't great.

Most people I know are already back to college, so I have few people to play with. Alice was hanging out with the dentist across the dueller so she was able to come over this morning for a chinwag. I was a bit zoned out because I'd just woken up though so probably wasn't the best company. She had to leave for college pretty soon though. Personally I can't wait to start college. Mainly because last year, my second semester kicked dick. Last semester for me was a real fuck up like, so I'm really hoping to strike gold this year. I feel pretty motivated right now anyway. I'll be doing Organic Chemistry which is usually kind of fun, Microbial metabolism and some other microbiology module which might be a bit hard, a pharmacology module about drug action in body systems which could be knacker hard, and also Introductory Spanish and Moral Philosohpy because you're allowed take mess classes in UCD even if they're first year classes and you're in second year which is cool but might raise some eyebrows like the Rock did after he layed the smacketh down. I'd probably never try a foreign language willy nilly so at least the spanish class might teach me some spanish, and I catch some Z's in Moral philosophy. I haven't got my results from my exams at christmas but I have a feeling I'll be doing some repeating or at best some major compensating at summer, which I'm ok with. Not repeating though.

Some little joys in my life right now, are most marks and spencers vegitarian meals, and the top gun soundtrack. They both make me feel like I'm getting healthy, but really really I've put on some weight.

Me and my little sister, Katie, don't usually get on to well, but lately it's been getting a bit too much. Too try and put a stop to our bickering, I suggested to her that I take her on a date to the new goosebumps film, Twilights, with Rob Patterson from Harry Potter 5. I thought this would be a good idea because when we went to see high school musical three together we got along great, and also to show her that life's not all singing and dancing and basketball at the debs. There's fucking vampires out there that want to get her. Although I didn't really think that, she was getting too cocky for a ten year old and I thought the idea of gorgeous vampires might set her straight. I knew vampires weren't real though.....or were they?

We got on a bus into Dun laoighraire at around 5:30, just as the sun was beginning to set which meant there was like less sunlight out and we sat downstairs near the driver's seat. The driver was an old man, who looked like he had been driving buses his whole life and only had a few days left till retirement. I told him that sentence except in the form of a remark and he said "Yeah, that's right, I'm retiring in three days! Me and the wife and seven kids are going to move out to the west and open a Fun Factory and it'll be loads of fun" and he showed me a picture of his beautiful young wife and seven hopefull children. I liked this guy. Me and Katie argued politics for a while untill we heard lots and lots of gun shots. All of a sudden most of the windows smashed and a big scary vampire terrorist jumped in through the window beside the bus' door. The big scary vampire picked up a child and ate him, then lunged at katie with a knife. A feral brotherly rage overtook me and I tore his arm off and punched him so hard he went forward in time. I looked to the back of the bus to see two vampires eating more children while their mothers screamed. I tore a handrail of the wall and threw it straight at one of the vampire's chest and it even hit him in the heart and all so he burst into flames. The second vampire came towards me so I shot an ice beam at him freezing him still, and I took his glock. Everyone started clapping so I figured it was all over and went to take my seat, when suddenly I heard the fragile bus driver scream. I saw in the front mirror a vampire devouring his old neck, getting blood everywhere. I shot the vampire and pushed him out the window unvealing the bus driver's dead body. I pulled off the seat, took his bus driver jacket and hat, and took the steering wheel to stop the bus swerving out of control. I thought "Save the people first, go find a place to cry later". I steered the bus immeadiatly right to avoid driving off a cliff, went around a round a bout, then made my way up past the Graduate in, thinking once I made it past Sallynoggin, the population would be so dense that the authorites would surely catch wind and remedy the situation. I could see in the mirros that about forty vampires were flying behind me, and another fifty had made a massive roadblock up about seventy metres ahead made up of trucks and sandbags and all. I started firing out the window at the roadblock hoping to hit a gas tank or something and make it all explode violently when the road exploded in front of me and out the rubble jumped like nine corpsers!!!! (For those that don't know, a corpser is the thing in the picture above. They're usually native to Sera but for whatever reason they were under Sallynoggin/Ballybrack. ) Luckily for the bus, the corpsers seemed to completely miss us and just land on the road muching on vampires. Although years ago I took an oath to not brake for anything, so the bus went way underground for about a mile. The bus crashed and everyone died except me and Katie who was grand.

We got out of the bus and dusted off our dusty clothes. All around us was a massive cave with tunnels branching out in different directions. Katie was all "wtf are we going to do now!?" and I said "Shhhhh, I hear something! It's coming from down that tunnel". We slowly crept down the really wide corridor like murky tunnel to investigate the source of the noise hoping to find some fun or a least a way out of the underworld. The sound seemed to be people talking and Ripley's believe it or not, it was a group of people talking. "Hey you" we shouted, and ran over. "Can you help us get out of here?". "Nothing's free in waterworld" the tallest one said. I pulled out my gun and shot him then got all up in the other two guys' faces cursing to like show them I was tough, and then they agreed to help us out. "Up ahead there are two paths you can take, Cloud vally path, and mean motherfucker road. Most people take the Cloud Vally, but no one ever tries to go down mean motherfucker road. However, both paths lead to the surface near enough to the cinema." While I thought about what path to take, that Robert Frost poem came to mind. The one where he's like walking through the woods and he goes down the path less taken. Up untill thne I felt my life was void of poetic inspiration and stuff so I shot the two tunnel strangers and me and Katie made our way down mean motherfucker road. After a while we found a building of flats with a sign outside reading "The Blair witch Projects". I took out my gun and took Katie inside. She accidently slammed the door behind her and then a load of ghosts came out of their flats and started firing ghost bullets at us. We made for the back entrance, and I threw a grenade back at the ghosts. As we went for the back door the building exploded like a million times because there must have been more grenades in there or something, and we flew out the back door miles down the path making our journey way shorter. In front of us we saw a life and we quickly scuffled in, and went straight up to Bloomfields shopping centre. We bought first aid and stuff in boots then went to see twighlight.
It was pretty good, and we even saw Rob Patterson afterwards and Katie asked him for an autograph. He said jokingly and really handsomely "Are you not afraid of vampires?" to which I replied "Hoho, buddy, you have no idea!"